Monday, September 2, 2013

piecing letters, piercing resistance.

confession: i fight the timidity 
some situations nurture quite
often. even when i may be the 
cause. this is only one way i 

since last December, i've taken 
it upon myself to challenge and 
slay demons that would make me
timid in my relationships with others
in the past. i've realized that a life
well lived requires it, and demands
it from you. and so, i've made it a
point to chop the heads off demons
with resolve like a guillotine. the best
way i've found outside of having a 
face-to-face with some folk is by the
written word. letters.

i had heard about writing letters to
people as a way of therapeutic 
cleansing before, but it had never
occurred to me to utilize it until last
year. it had become apparent after
my birthday that i was still toting a
few heavy pieces of emotional baggage.
less than i had years prior, but still
there. and i realized that it was all
due to how some people valued their
connection with me. and how i felt
those connections lacking in one
thing or another. now, these were/are
people who occupied some real 
significant space in my cipher. and
my tendency to internalize was at 
play, to my detriment. it was hurting
me in silent ways. and in other cases,
it was a way for me to convey real
gratitude and love.

so i set out to write letters to these 
folks. some had long passed on, and
i felt these letters would be a fitting 
talking drum to their spirits in the 
universe. i also wrote letters to those
who i felt weren't forthright with 
reciprocity of their spirit for whatever
reason. the intent at first was never to
mail these out in any form. as i wrote,
i had a chance to revel in happy 
moments. there were one or two that
broke me down to the point where it
felt like it was raining indoors and i
could only see the screen by blinking.
it was a process both cathartic and
cauterizing. and i emerged from it 
both thankful and renewed. since
then, i've sent out a few letters and
cards to a couple of people. and i plan
to do more of it.

now, i chose letters because in a 
world where social media has greatly
improved our ways to communicate,
it has also downgraded the level of
communication. folks want to be all
about claiming 'first' to comment.
folks hiding behind 'tweets' and 
'status updates'. even to the point
where some will prefer having text
message conversations a mile long
than to actually call someone. it's 
as if life in all of its inflections is being
left to visual hieroglyphs, emoticons
and other things because some are
afraid of the emotions life brings in
dealing with each other. i can't say
i haven't been in this zone. but writing
and sending these notes is my way out
of it. because i love myself & have love,
if not only respect for those who i've
chosen to get close to. and this is a
step towards beheading the demons
of timidity and awkwardness, one
fell swoop of a sentence at a time. so
try a letter or a postcard sometimes.
you'll see how refreshing it is.

as always, thanks for reading. until
the next time, walk good.

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