standing against the sea. (reflection)

if you'll allow me to ramble...

i had a chance to recently be a guest on a wonderful radio show
(as you already know if you keep up with this blog). and in the
time since then, i've been deep in thought about writing and its
hold on me. it's only now that i've been able to really let the
words dance on the page. it's only over these past two years that
i've been able to let the voices in my soul merge into one chorus
of truth. like i heard a hustler say out by Rockaway Boulevard
years ago, 'it takes time for you to wail my man. you never heard
a lion's voice crack.'

it hasn't been without hurt. either the sudden kind or the kind that
settles in slow like bacon grease on the walls. i know there's one
or two people that know me out there that probably view me as some
sort of loser because all i have at the moment is my writing. i'm
not a major best-seller, someone who they can brag about to friends
over brunch or gab about on Facebook. and i've learned to accept
that. and it makes it easier seeing them across the distance they've
created with that view of me. because my writing IS ME. it is part
and parcel of the journey i've had over these years. and i earned
every damned step of it. i've earned all the tears and thorns as well
as the laughs and roses. can't have one without the other. and i think
now i appreciate that balance even more. and i want to say to you, if
you're reading this...you may have such people in your life. let those
mofo's scatter like roaches under a hot lamp!!!

i don't want to let this feeling i have now go. i've felt it before,
but in pieces here and there. now it's steady, driving. i've got a ton
of words in my bones looking to get out. and i'm doing that, one poem,
one essay, one article, one story at a time. and it feels damn good.

i'm standing against a sea before me, of doubters and obstacles. good
thing my heart is strong enough to stay afloat. and my pen will get me
back to shore.