flicker of the third bulb on the freeway

whatever little
was left of what you thought
you took from my heart
in plastic salad containers
found in midtown delicatessens

found that evening
gave it legs of vapor
it rose and joined the space
found around the lightbulbs
atop a lonely freeway

and made it blue
to illustrate the sea
of casual indifference
sometimes one creates
when they drown in their own confusion

the steam that sits

admit

that there is the breath that bears my name

it travels like a wisp of steam

as you bathe in the morning

feeling like that last Sunday moment 

i kissed your neck 

while fixing your necklace 

and all it asks

is that you make that breath a voice

that you call it what it is

before the day begins 

and it sits in traffic 

within the veins wrapped in 

the skin of hazelnuts

and flourishing summer off the Jubba

the steam that sits on your chest

and calls to you

is the breath that bears my name

asking you to exhale

and free us both

 

dodgeball with screwballs

at first glance, this might seem like
one of those slanderous rants. but trust
me, it's not. despite my use of the
term 'screwballs'.

you've probably seen the Albert Einstein
quote: 'Insanity is doing the same thing,
over and over again, but expecting different
results.' you've seen it passed around
social media like it's a seasonal cold.
but take a moment to stop and think
just how many people who STILL embody
this quote. it takes a lot of will, a
lot of mindfulness to first realize
that you may be doing the same thing
repeatedly. and once you gain that
recognition, to make firm changes to
get better results...to JUST GET BETTER
overall. some folks can pick that up
right away. others need some time and
the counsel of outside perspective that's
not biased towards them. and then....

there are the aforementioned screwballs.

i call them that not to be derogatory
towards the mentally ill. but it's an
apt term for this group of individuals.
think about it - you probably know one
or two people that sit and stubbornly
lock themselves into a cycle that does
not benefit them in the long run. and
when things don't go right once again,
they choose to focus on everything
except the issues that led them to that
point.they don't look to themselves
and why they keep coming back to that
same place. they'll do everything and
anything in some cases to remove their
power.

'oh, this is fated.'

'well, this person...'

'if only they...'

this is the thing...if you know one
of these folks, and they come to you
yet again with a diatribe of avoiding
accountability, make like it's a game
of dodgeball. especially if you've
tried to be helpful with regards to
their situation and they keep winding
up in the same place. because at that
point, you gotta come to the conclusion
that they like the drama. that they are
more comfortable with the anguish of
another failed scenario that doesn't
help them move forward in the way
they'd like. and that's just screwy
to me. i know when i was in that pattern
myself, it seemed much more easier to
just assign blame to someone or some
thing rather than own up to my own
culpability in the matter. one large
part of owning your power is owning
your mistakes. and that's something
we don't prevalent these days. now
i'm talking about the delibarately
unwilling. you know those folks, the
ones who will spit all of the truths
and quotes but still complain about
the same damn thing for the past 3
years. they are just another form of
drama addicts. because the drama is
predictable, it's routine. it allows
them to go on auto-pilot, and not to
pursue any real work towards effective
change.

now if it sounds like i'm being overly
judgemental, well i say this: these
people i talk about may be a bit more
inclined to do that than i would be.
look at the tell-tale signs they
present. they're more than likely to
engage in blanket statements and
judgements. they will stop you when
you have an insight that may differ
from one that fits more to their
trip of avoidance. and let's not think
that they're not aware of it. there's
a reason why they choose to make the
decisions they make. it's because
they prefer the mayhem of that poor
choice than building themselves up
to make better ones across the board.
these folks are also extremely sensitive
and tend to flee easily. the thing is,
one has to be mindful and careful
with folks like these. you have to
take what they throw at you, and
give it back to them just as firmly
or more forcefully. understand that
most of them are lost in a pattern
and need to be reassured if they're
trying to break out of it. there
will be those who you have to let go
on their own to sort it out. because
they will even go to the lengths of
insulting you and your intelligence
on an emotional and mental level to
satisfy their need for self-abuse
in the guise of running from owning
up. you cannot own your power if you
don't own your failings without any
puffed-up mask of importance. i guess
dodgeball has some relevance as we
get older after all.

thanks for reading, until the next time...

untitled 3.11.14

she left memories like tribal tattoos

on my ribcage

so when i breathe, her touch trails off

like a panther under moonlight

scrap and bone

not interested
in being your scrap and bone
you can chew upon
to see if your teeth are present
through the acidity of timidity
you've acquired in your age.

i prefer
you lay your scars bare
to be blessed in truth
much like bruises all flowers recieve
when we walk through them reveling in the day;
it would make you more honest

and as brave as i know you can be


2/19/14

haiku 2.25.14

so many want flight,
to leap free but in fear, clip
their wings too easy

aspartame appreciation or, fake sugar makes for bad coffee.

*this goes out to my Aunt Norris, who made her
journey home two days ago, and would add her
two cents without fail on this subject. she
was always one who called it like she saw it.
even if she never failed to call someone on
their BS. rest in power, lady.*


it goes without saying that people are
vigorously trying to keep it as natural
as possible in their lives. that finds
some heavy corroboration in food. you
probably know at least one person in
your immediate circle who rails against
artificial sweeteners and substances.
aspartame jumps to the head of the line
without fail. it's kind of the 'it'
artificial substance that many can agree
is bad for you.

but...

if people are so against artificiality
in their foods, why do they cling to it
in their own lives? why are they drawn
to using it as a tool of defining their
own personality?

okay, this is the part where you are
more than likely doing a double take as
you look at the screen. bear with me.
there are some of us, for different
reasons, who choose to willingly put on
an air of artificial sweetness to people.
you may have come in contact with it -
they are quick to shower you with the
'honeys' every third to fifth word or
heap a lot of overt friendliness that
might not fit like pants after a holiday
meal. sometimes you see that more when
the person may have done or said something
out of order. or their behavior towards
you has been flaky or subliminally
disrespectful. i have dealt with one or
two people like that from time to time.
it's unavoidable to a point for a reason.
these people are employing appreciation
like it's aspartame. add a bit here and
there and whatever the problem is for
them disappears. or so they hope. this
also applies to people who suddenly make
themselves total experts on human issues
online. it's even worse when they don't
even make an effort to be consistently
compassionate beforehand. you know the
ones: they'll post a hundred links on
something, rail against others as to why
they're not doing anything(anything
meaning listen to them stroke their ego
like customers in a peep show booth
and/or share the same link from a website
that could be debunked by a 6 year old
with an iPad)and then not provide follow-ups
or comment on something so tedious.

yes, these are people who feel that
artificial sweetness works for them. they
do it to cover up flaws in their persona
they don't want to work on just yet,
or that they don't want you to see out
in the open. they do it because they
like the buttress of being seen a certain
way, not realizing their truths can and
will weigh that facade they encourage
down. of course, you tell them that,
they immediately revert to the defenses
of ego we all have. accusations that
you're being phony. saying that all these
other people(some of who they do the same
thing to but they are oblivious or accept
it)would prove you wrong. when you get
real hooked on fake sugar, it can be as
hard to get off of as cocaine.

all i can say is, if you spot it early,
keep that aspartame appreciation OUT of
your immediate cipher. with a vengeance.
it rots you from the inside and can make
you crave it at the expense of everything
that is real and true about you. and once
you get a cavity of the spirit like that,
it's even more arduous to fill in as
opposed to all the work that you would
have done to fortify it with honest
personality in the first place. so, do
yourself a favor: check those people
that look to give you nothing but fake
sugar. it's bad for your life as well as
your coffee.

thanks for reading. until the next time...