beck and call.

i think sometimes, we suffer from the idea that in
order to facilitate and foster and even deepen the
bonds we have with some people, it's about bending
to their suggestions to the point where we break
our own rhythm. i have a friend of mine who kind
of playfully touches on this topic. whenever i miss
a phone call, she'll leave a message demanding to
know where i'm at and that i should be at 'beck
and call'. we get a good laugh out of it because
our friendship was never based on that. has no
traces of it. but others do.

you want to be there for people all the time. at
least, i want to. you want to share in their life
as they've shared in yours, because that's the
depth of connection you have. but in some cases,
you'll have a person in your life who takes it to
the edge a bit. they want to see you this time,
this date. quiet insistence that grates on you
like subway cars on old tracks. and in a way, they
don't realize that they are infringing on you.
it's when you gotta drag them back across that
line and say, in actions or words if need be,
'listen. i have things to do. if it's not a dire
situation, let me be.' you have to do that in
order for the bonds you have with people to be
stronger and not one-sided. i've been there a bit.
i have given more than my share at times. i do
realize that it is one of my flaws, giving too
much at a detriment to myself. i still struggle
with that balance. this is an aspect of it, one
that deals with time. a commodity we don't get
to replenish.

it's going to be tough, but for those who feel
you need to be at beck and call, tell them this:
'my last name isn't Benson. relax.'

until the next time...