neon lotus heartsong

while a rapper rides a trend
like jeans on the hips of a teen girl
who moves with the weight of the Kryptonite
swelled beyond her years
i see dudes dismantle their cool
with the speed of a limp noodle

i am armed with the daggers
dipped in the blood of habu and stardust from when i was 12
afford me
cynicism is cheap and easy
like that first loosie

'how does affection taste
to the bitter' is what my eyes ask her
she wants to be a cookie-styled cutter
but her last relationship got cancelled;
low ratings don't only destroy television shows

and me
i'm sitting here wondering
what her heart would look like
if she chose me to open it even partially
maybe it would be exquisite

like a neon lotus in the distance

above the haze level.

this is a heady time of year for me. yeah, spring is upon us and
all of the promises of warmth, sunshine and longer days sit right
outside and are as sure as those cuttings of the last cold snaps
of winter that accompany sunsets during this time. that glimpse
of warmth, which we all reach for, cuts away certain things. but
only for a minute, if you're not careful. because that cold, that
heaviness, that haze level? gets harder.

right now, i'm working on article pitches, blog posts, research
for other projects and in my own way getting above that haze level.
for those of you who've read my work and other writing on this blog,
you're aware of my own thoughts and situations and struggles to this
end. for those not acquainted...go back and catch up.(haha.)but
seriously...it's been slightly crazy. the weather doesn't help. but,
i spoke of the haze level. i take that reference from a Norman Vincent
Peale booklet on overcoming problems and troubles. it's part of the
arsenal towards healing and self-actualization i've drawn from over
the past few years. that book was given to me by my mother during a
gloomy moment, and that lesson about getting above the haze level
was and is still important. because it allowed me to realize just
how i can cloud my own path in addition to letting others leave a
fog over it as well.

think about fog: it's alluring, mysterious. you can lose yourself
in it and feel a slight bit of serenity. but before long, you can
also find yourself swept away in it, unable to see. and i know that
there's at least one of you who crows to the damn moon and anythinge
else that like Lion-O of the Thundercats, you've got 'sight beyond
sight' at all times. but the truth is, you really don't - until you
come to grips with the fact that you won't be able to see everything
all the time until you make adjustments. pilots, when they fly and
encounter turbulence or other inclement weather, rise above it into
the atmosphere. at times, we gotta do that no matter what. even if
doing so leaves us out of touch with people we care about. even if
we don't have the strength to do so or believe we don't. even now,
you or someone you know is going through that haze level right now
and don't see a way past it immediately. for me, i know how it can
get cloudy around me. i know some of the triggers to bring those
clouds up, and those i don't know i'm learning about. but to that
end, i know how to rise above it, or if i can't do that with some
immediate speed, how to make moves towards doing so as soon as possible.

i'm writing this tonight to get you thinking about that as the seasons
change, and we get so caught up in the fleeting sun that we can't see
the clouds forming a mass in our way or get past it, that the haze
level can never really go away, but we can get beyond it. if there
is someone you know dealing with that, or if you've been feeling like
that, i hope you'll rise above it.

as always, thanks for reading. until the next time, walk good.

how to be dependable, but not invisible.

greetings, good people...

the thing with writing to get free, to reclaim
being free and to understand what that truly means,
is repeatedly sitting down across the table from
those doubts and demons and hashing it out. in
this case, this particular session deals with
the idea of how being trustworthy can make you
both invisible and expendable.

i have been told, by a great deal of folks i've
come across, that i'm a 'good guy'. 'reliable'.
but there is a danger in that, one i never really
understood until some years ago. see, there are
those individuals out there that love people they
feel are trustworthy & reliable not for those
qualities - but for how they can take advantage
of those qualities for their own needs. you may
know these people. hell, at one point in your
life or currently, you might BE one of these
people. or have been, as it were. these people
that do this, are mostly doing it because their
flaws, their inner pain, drives them to do it.
there's only a small number that do it in a
malicious and twisted way. but i'll get back to
that.

see, i bring this up because you begin to realize,
as you get better within yourself & be better,
you start looking at how these people operate.
they praise how 'down' you are. they exalt over
how you always come through. but if you stop to
think about it, how often do they need you to
come through? how one-sided is the situation
between you two? i'll provide an example. at my
last full time job, i was praised for being a
reliable & trustworthy employee. but i soon saw
just how the company leaned on me. one particular
situation came up where we had to change offices
due to an explosion in the street that caused
damage to the building. the experience was
traumatic. my boos at the time managed to get
us relocated, to start the very next day. i was
reluctant to go in, and said so. my boss calls
me at home and says to me to begin the conversation,
'what, you don't wanna work?' to this day, i
don't know if he meant that as a joke. but i can
tell you that i was livid. i didn't go in the
next day, and when i did return, i saw that the
attitudes of my boss and a couple of my co-workers
cooled towards me. i had dared to actually be
concerned with my well-being instead of being
old Mr.Reliable.

i had dealt with that from a couple of friends
and in some small ways, i still do. part of that
issue is that i'm always the one to be concerned
with others' well-being, how they are doing. but
as i looked at everything in totality, i saw how
being that way set me up to be taken advantage of
by others. it's damned hard to have that knowledge.
but, in that moment i told myself that i had to
stop feeling so forlorn that someone would do that.
i had to check my triggers from that feeling and
make sure it wouldn't affect my day to day. and
so, i basically began to only display that ability
to be dependable to those who i felt deserved it.
you don't get that from me right off anymore, not
like i used to display it. you need to earn it.
and if i've known you for a minute, guess what?
you need to renew that spirit of earning if you
feel you're slipping. does it seem harsh? on the
surface it could. but i'm protecting me, and i'm
also protecting my faith in the good people and
spaces i can be fully reliable & dependable with
and in. it is an act of self-love and self-care.

it's also a balancing act. there's days where i
fall back into the morass of feeling under-appreciated.
feeling unwanted. those days and moments show up
unwanted on the doorstep like hustling salesmen.
but i get through them by reaffirming the values
i believe in, by trying to get past those doubts.
by not allowing those folks to have dominion over
my emotions. and then there are the days when i'm
like Robocop with it - clinical, precise and at the
ready to either ignore or shut someone down. those
days catch some off guard, but its always those
who are culprits.

so i'm finishing this off by saying, if you are
reliable, dependable, trustworthy...hold onto that.
cherish that and be an example. but make sure you
guard yourself and your spirit so that those
wayward & hurt folks don't make you an example of
how to be taken advantage of just because they
need your shine to cover up their tarnished selves.

as always, thanks for reading! until the next
time, walk good.

shark biters and a few inappropriate words on appropriation

Photo Credit: HipHopSite.com

what's happening good people?

i've been chewing on what to say within this
post, and as i sit down to type this out on
the national holiday designated to celebrate
the life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., it
seems even more appropriate to offer up these
words...

'fuck all the shark biters.'

now, the reason for that line really stems
from what not only goes on today with the
vanilla, generic buffing of Dr.King's image
by a cross-section of people to where he is
a one-dimensional figure, but from two separate
situations and narratives from good friends that
i was privy to over the past couple of days.
let me break them down in turn.

The first instance involves my boy Julian
Lytle, a well-known illustrator. Now, Julian,
Sean Causley along with Shawn Pryor and other
guest artists have been hard at work creating
the world of Longboxes On 22's. To sum
up, it's an entire Tumblr galaxy filled with
creations inspired by the fine blending of
comic books, album covers and pop culture.
and it SNAPS. it really speaks to a good deal
of folks that are into all these things but
don't see themselves fully represented in
comic books on a larger scale. so this past
Friday, Marvel announces that they are dropping
variant covers of Howard The Duck and Deadpool.
These covers are done as an homage to the
magnificent hip-hop tandem Run The Jewels.
So, here's the rub...the Deadpool image?
Bears a pretty keen resemblance to what the
Longboxes on 22s crew did NINE MONTHS EARLIER.
(They build on it here.) Now let's be
real here. I'm not openly saying that there
was a deliberate attempt to appropriate this
one piece of fan art. But it's pretty damn
intriguing that an industry which has seen little
diversity among the ranks of its editors and
writers(this is info i've gotten from Jules
and other creators of color working in that
field)is now embracing hip-hop like this. i
noticed when the new Captain America was
released by Marvel that there was a variant
cover featuring Sam Wilson, the former Falcon
as the new Cap, flanked by Rae Sremmurd. it's
a move to move more books, i dig that aspect
of it. but you can't tell me that a major
machine like Marvel doesn't have research
personnel on the lookout for stuff like this.
and maybe the artists really wanted to show
love to Run The Jewels. but there's creative
interpretation and then there's appropriation.

the second situation involves my people at
ThisRespekWear. you've seen their clothing
lines for the past few years, from their
iconic 'Don't Feed The Pigeons' t-shirt to
the current - and valid - clothing line
dedicated to the suffering of all New York
Knicks fans. myself included. so my man JV
puts up a post on social media detailing how
he went into a store and they're selling a
t-shirt...with THEIR design. on some knockoff
status. mind you ThisRespekWear has a real
movement going, and while it was comical,
it is a bit of a dumb move on the establishment's
part.

i detail these two situations out of dozens
that have gone on and continue to go on. as
the world gets more in touch with each other
via technology in all forms, there are more
demonstrations of how out of touch some of us
are with each other AND how out of touch some
businesses small or large are with true creatives.
look, we've all heard of the saying 'imitation
is the sincerest form of flattery.' but there
is a limit to that flattery when it seeks to
void your contribution as a creative person
due to your hue. it's almost a game now that
is being run by the powers that be to take an
aspect of another culture and just run with it
with no real understanding of the elements
involved or why that came to be for that culture.
most recent examples i'm sure you can remember:

vegan leather 'du-rags'.

twerking.

reality show celebrity women getting surgery
for 'full lips'.

the thing that irks me is, what's so damn
difficult about involving more people of color's
perspectives to have a rightful place of
influence in any industry rather than taking
their shit? or even letting them, when they
have their own initiatives, just sustain their
output and respective consumer bases? on a
more simple level, it's about control. control
to support a supremacist system that doesn't
want anything that they can't co-opt or knock.
look at today. how many times are you going
to see the same quotes from MLK about peace
posted somewhere and how many times will you
see other more pertinent quotes from Dr.King
that reflected how revolutionary he really was...
and why they killed him?

appropriation like this is micro-aggression.
and while it may seem slight, it's highly
damaging. and that's not to say that there
aren't POC's doing it. look on Twitter at a
few accounts and you can see some tweets
being jacked. i say all this being mindful
that there is a grey area at work here. but
i do sincerely wish that more folks that look
like me, that more folks who are grinding
away striving to be heard don't get bit like
what happened to Longboxes on 22s, ThisRespekWear,
Sister Rosetta Tharpe...you dig what i'm saying.
we gotta see this stuff for what it is, and
call it out when it is necessary and valid
to do so. some of it may be more subtle than
others.

in closing, respect the real when you come
face to face with it. and do your part to
make sure the shark biters either starve or
have broken teeth.

thanks for reading, until the next time...
walk good.

one year closes, another opens...

what's happening, folks?

on the last day of the year, i wanted
to take some time out to do things that
sustain me, things that make me who i
am. because this year, more so than in
recent years, has been one to really
savor and contemplate in those terms.
this year was the year i reclaimed a
few things. confronted a few. and made
peace with a couple parts of myself.

the year began in a tenuous fashion to
say the least. i've alluded to it here
and there, but i encountered a serious
health issue. one i thought wouldn't
happen to me, in all honesty. even though
i knew i was purposely daring, on that
edge. to sum it up, i had an acute rise in
my blood pressure. brought on by the
combination of stress from work, the
holiday season and its partying air,
getting a cold and trying to fight it
off with cough medicine and herbal tea
mixed together. one night i couldn't
sleep, and thought it was gas. when i
got my pressure reading, i was floored.
my doctor put me on meds, and a week of
bed rest. during that time, my family
was scared. hell, i was scared. as the
month went on, i got determined to lose
weight - physically and emotionally. i
was close to death and never knew it. in
truth, we all are, as much as we will
either acknowledge it or cast it aside.
but that scare led me to something better.
something on the other side of fear. a
place that was familiar. a place that
is where my spirit could rise as it should.

getting back to that place, reaffirming
who and what i am has been the mode for
this year. in the process, i've had to
ask myself tough questions. all of this was
necessary in order to do what Yaasin Bey
says on 'Worker's Comp', 'tell the tough
guys we're tougher than tough times.' if
you've followed along with this blog, you
know i've had my share. but i have made
the choice to push through. and in that,
i've had to be less stern with myself. i
have had to firmly ask for better from the
folks who i want in my circle. i have had
to accept that there are some folks who
won't regard me in a way i need to keep
them around. i've had to admit that i've
been an asshole, and to also admit that
there were times where it was warranted.
i've gotten used to not being a 'bigger'
person, but a better person for myself at
least. and most importantly, i've learned
to enjoy the benefits of my own silence
and what it brings me.

i mean, i've gotten more freelance writing
work(though i could always use more, so i've
been putting that intention out there in
addition to grinding). i put out another
book of poetry with the help of some fine
people out there. i've gotten myself in
shape enough to do that 5K walk.i got a lot of
support and acclaim and notice from some
well-regarded people and institutions. i've
gained a lot of insight from people. i've
been blessed to see love in the eyes of
newborns turned toddlers. i've made donations,
been there for friends in need. i've gotten
to understand my parents more. i've had the
opportunity to add my voice to important
discussions from the state of hip-hop to
tech developments to the continuing struggle
for rights and justice for Black/Brown people
in this nation and abroad. the blessings
have made the year's journey that much
easier and sweeter.

i won't focus on those that won't read any
of these words. if one person reads this
and gets some of the black gold of the sun
from it, i'm happy. i know there's still a
ways to go on this road. but i'm striding
on it, i'm less fretful even though there
are more gray hairs in my goatee than before.
as this year closes and another one opens,
i want to keep working at growing goodwill.
i don't want to necessarily label myself in
order to do good work. i want my spirit, my
presence to be a good one in the eyes of those
i care about and those i have yet to meet.
i want next year to explode with even more
blessings and pride. and i do hope that you
will be around to see it. more writing, more
art, more celebration, and less frustration
and dissatisfaction.

in closing, may you all have a safe and
blessed New Year, however you choose to ring
it in if you already haven't. thank you for
all of your support. see you on the other
side of 2014. one love to all!

walk good, good people!

body cams for brutes

they will say you are mad
when you cry out
at the vivisection of your experience.

they will look askance
when you resist the pornography
of your black body
of your brown body
of your womanly body
of your child's body
ripped asunder by bullets
strangled and hung like so much salt beef,
because you
remember that they deal in death for business
and record it for fun
take a look in any museum for starters.

they will say you are mad
because you refuse to be mowed down
like those herds of buffalo
because before your trails of tears and anguish ends
you will make them choke on it

and that
is when
you find that sanity begins
and you realize
that body cams for brutes
are nothing but toys
for the brutes and voyuers

saving heat for cold stones.

there is an old but new-found value that i've been
lucky to re-establish in my life these days.
it's something that came across again thanks
to a Tumblr post i saw a day or three ago. it
contained a simple message thrown up on a wall
in Krylon: 'you waste energy being angry'. it
was something i needed to see, and to focus
on. because i had been dealing with examples
of why it was fruitless to be angry and much
like having silence and hearing a temple bell
ring out suddenly, the truth of it hit me once
again and i got back to maintaining my calm.

now, i'm not going to say that anger isn't
necessary. it would be asking someone not to
express their humanity. anger can allow for
other things to flow more freely if they are
important. but there is a tendency with the
way things are, and the society we live in,
to look to irrational anger as a viable
solution for EVERY. THING. think about it -
if you're a Facebook user or Twitter user,
count how many messages are laden with anger
over minimal stuff. they can range from
bewildered exasperation to outright rants
filled with expletives. now think about how
many do that on a constant basis. if you can
count more than three people you know that
do this, that's a problem. one that we shrug
off a little too much. and it gets worse
'cause there are those who do this just to
seek validation for the anger, and not any
help in why said anger rose. for me, the
journey of self-care i'm on basically meant
that to realize that about other folks, i had
to realize that i fell prey to the same
things. there's different reasons why -
examples from a family member, the effects
of diet, bad decision making and not dusting
oneself off after - it all composes to that
core of anger along with other things.

it takes some time to get to a point where
you can recognize that the constant anger
over stuff you can control as opposed to
actually doing something about it is flat
out minor. it's not easy. and there are
those that will take you to that point,
especially if they are actively avoiding
doing that work behind a multitude of
excuses. i had a good friend earlier say
that actions by a mutual friend of ours
was 'tiring'. my rebuttal was, 'well, it's
tiring only if you give it more energy
than needed time after time after time
again.' we've all got people close to us
that try us like that, i'm no different.
but in order to be and live well, you have
to let them sort certain things out without
too much of your energy being taken up.
especially if it seems like it's often &
they're not mindful of you and your time.

there's some who'll dig what i'm saying
here. and others who'll look at this like
it's bull. Only thing i can say is, when
i chose to reserve anger only for something
that deserved it, i found that life got a
little bit more manageable. and as we
advance through life, that's all we really
want. 'you waste energy being angry'. i
intend to hold on to that energy for when
i really need it, and not for another long
story of an avoidable situation or another
social media rant from someone who wants
more attention for the rant than help for
what caused it.

thanks for reading...walk good.